Intertextuality
Intertextuality is the shaping of texts' meanings by other texts. It can refer to an author’s borrowing and transformation of a prior text or to a reader’s referencing of one text in reading another. In the case of tGA it means that the RPers are quoting or generally referring to various novels, films, pop culture phenomena and such in their texts. Examples of such uses are listed below. 300 "So, this is a race against time," Belial muttered and turned to the representatives and citizens. "I'm sure all of you have heard these grave news! Although Maar Sul is still holding on, the enemy is gathering its strength and will strike again if given enough time to recover. My countrymen might not hold off the second attack wave once it comes, so we should go to Maar Sul before that happens. If Maar Sul falls, Remon will certainly be next!" "I agree with Count de Ardyn! We must go and aid our old allies before the enemy turns its attention to our fair country!" Crowley roared. "If all the other representatives are cowards, then at least I will answer the call! I will not be remembered as a coward!" "This is madness!" Ferron cried out. "Even if all of us somehow decided to help Maar Sul, it'd nevertheless take quite some time to organize..." The baron grinned. "Madness? You're wrong. This... is... REMON! This is what the Grand Alliance is all about! Are you with me?" Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. Refan blinked. "Skye, wait. You've got it wrong. I had nothing to do with any of this." Skye's eyes grew wide as she looked into Refan's eyes. "I can't believe it! All this time, after everything we've been through...you lie to me, your wife? Why? How could you?" Refan saw the look in his warrior's eyes and realized his control had slipped. Why had he gotten so agitated about Gabriel? If he had pushed thoughts of his son away and focused on Skye alone, she would've already been his. He still felt angry that Gabriel had been lured to Threshold by Kaisa, no doubt, and he'd make the girl pay for endangering his son. But first, he'd have to win Skye over and make her his again. The burning need of desire was too strong to ignore anymore... "Look, let's make this clear. I didn't want to disturb you needlessly...so I may have said one thing but meant another. But the truth is that I was on a mission. It didn't start out as personal...but I made it so in order to be reunited with you, Skye," Refan explained, releasing his grip. "I was a thief who had been driven into a corner, surrounded by enemies who required my assistance, the only reason they kept me alive. I had a job." "Your eyes tell me everything. You've killed several people by now, haven't you? I know that you've attempted to kill or hurt even more such as Kaisa, while serving those 'enemies'! You even wore that...that Northern Horde's colors the last time we met!" Skye pointed out. "Perhaps you've pillaged and raped with them, too! What are you going to do? Rape me now...or kill me if I refuse? I still remember the look you gave me and Ax...the woman you wanted to hold in your arms so passionately! My mind was hazy for a moment, but that must've been one of the tricks your new comrades taught you, right? But I can see past the illusion now! This...this is just like that last time in the inn when you fled, isn't it? You...you're still the same like before!" "Skye, don't say things like that. I'd never hurt you," the thief countered. The warrior narrowed her eyes. "And yet you allow your new...friends to rampage through the city, attacking people, including your former Alliance comrades, by the dozen? The man I once knew would never let that happen! He'd fight--" "You think I had a part in that? That I'd let them do anything to you?" Refan gasped. "You know how I feel about you, Skye!" Skye waited for a moment before she spoke. "So, even though you've been lying to everyone about everything, wanted another woman for yourself when your current one didn't satisfy you enough, and killed and harmed those who stood in your way, you're saying that your feelings for me..." "...are still real, Skye," Refan said soothingly, staring at the woman. His wife. "They always have been. Ax, you and I will live happily ever after...just like we were always meant to be." Skye's look turned to one of shock before she grimaced. "I...I'm going to throw up." Refan frowned. "You...you think this has been easy for me? Do you have any idea how hard it was?" he hissed. "The sacrifices, the decisions I had to make...but I made them! Because that's what I do. I'm a survivor!" "No. You've become a monster...just like your brother. I tried to deny it and cling to hope...but I see now it's futile. We were too late. The darkness within has already consumed you," Skye sighed. "We've both changed, and I've realized something. Remember how when we talked about your heritage all those years ago, you said I wouldn't like the real you, the demon underneath? You know what? You were right." "Skye, please." The thief looked at his wife and suddenly felt heavy, like great weight had been put on his shoulders. "Someday...someday you'll understand." "No, I won't. That time's long gone. I...I was a fool to believe things could return to the way they were...after you sold your humanity, your friends, and most importantly your own family, for power," Skye said gravely. The look in her eyes had changed. It was no longer one of despair or shock...now her eyes were full of grim determination, the likes of which Refan hadn't seen in a long time. "I will never, ever give you what you want, Reffie. You're no longer the man I once fell in love with. That man is dead now, consumed by the monster." Aladdin Haruko rested her head against the Oracle's shoulder as they gazed at the night sky in the observatory in the king's garden. "I never thought it'd end this way," she muttered dreamily as she felt his fingers move gently through her dark hair. She touched the necklace he had given her as a gift; a beautiful golden one with a shining emerald in its centre. The Oracle kissed the girl on the forehead, and she pressed herself closer to his warm body under the blanket they were sharing. "You've changed everything since you showed up here, Enchantress," he whispered to her. "You showed me the world in a new light and made me realize what matters the most, and for that I'm eternally grateful to you." Haruko smiled. "A whole new world, a new fantastic point of view. No one to tell us no or where to go...or say we're only dreaming," she recited the lyrics of a famous Barjassilian song absent-mindedly. She could stay like this forever. Ali Ismail parried a strike from Dreadlord Leraje. He felt the thrill of battle inside his bulging veins, and his muscles trembled with excitement as he leaped to the left, narrowly avoiding a vicious jab that had been aimed at his face. The captain of the Black Guard snorted. "Is that all you've got?" he muttered, readying his blade. He could not help it; he had not felt like this in years. Fighting against the Dreadlord reminded him of the time when Belial had sparred with him. He had not lost a single battle, not even against Belial, and he intended to keep it that way. Leraje attacked again. Ismail was experienced, however, and managed to block most of the attacks. When he couldn't, he used it to land a few blows on the Dreadlord. This man that stood before him didn't look extraordinary except for elaborate tattoos. And yet the Dreadlord's eyes also seemed to remind him of something... no, someone else, but who? He quickly swept such thoughts aside. Now he just had to buy some time for his companions before he finally ended this game and landed the finishing blow. If all went well, the heroes would reach the prisoners via the Sirithai tunnels and escape with most of them before the demons even realized what had happened. His friends relied on his ability of stalling the battle, and he wasn't going to let them down. "Boma ye, Ismail! Boma ye!" the voices of the Black Guard chanted from the wall. It was a Sarquil battle chant, meaning "kill him." Yes... so many people relied on him, he held the fate of his homeland on the tip of his curved blade. Bioshock Adram cleared his throat. "I'm Adram Alek, and I'm here to ask you a question: is a man not entitled to the sweat of his own brow? No, says the man in Maar Sul. It belongs to the poor! No, says the man in the church. It belongs to the memory of Cardia! No, says the man in Remonton. It belongs to everyone! I rejected those answers. Instead I chose something different. I chose the impossible, I chose... Ravensworth!" Blackadder Princess Maple took the news of her father's disappearance at the Battle of Victoire stoically. "There is no time for tears," she said, "If Father is truly dead, then I shall be Queen. I have to show my people that I am ready for that, even if I am confident in his safety." "Why are you so sure he's OK?" inquired a Maar Sulais maid. "He's terribly smart," Maple replied. Then, a moment later, amended. "For a Scun." Outside, a throng of agitated Scuns waited for a speech. "You're on, Highness," said an aide. "One moment. Maid, fetch me two pencils and my underpants." Puzzled, the aides looked on as the vertically-challenged Princess of Scundia stretched a pair of underpants over her head and inserted two pencils into her nose and marched out to meet the waiting crowd. "Wibble," she announced. Then she vomited. Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid The swordsman felt human hands on his arm and turned to face Fonzie and his monkey. To the detective's surprise, he wore a blindfold. "Listen, whoever you are, I can't hear or smell you at the moment, but if you're up to help just push me into or away from the demon when appropriate. Also, be on the lookout for its ally, who may be in human form." Fonzie looked at Ted nervously. In response to this the little monkey pulled out his own service dagger and raised it in solidarity. "Right, it's decided then. Nice knowing you, Ted." And with that, they both screamed and shoved the blind lunatic at the cyclops. To their surprise he reached out his hand, caressed the scary bastard's neck, and through this seemed to realize the dimensions of it enough to leap onto its shoulders and plunge the katana into its radiation spewing eye. A roar shook the whole of downtown Trinity Gask, and people ran screaming for their lives. "I felt that, Bessy. It was good for me, too!" said the blind swordsman. Fonzie and Ted traded a puzzled expression before moving in with their own weapons. Doctor Who "So how will we know that we've reached this... time machine?" Refan huffed. "I'd hate to be buried alive so I sincerely hope you're not pulling our leg, professor." "Don't worry. The TARDIS is quite easy to spot. It looks like a phone booth," the Lindworm replied. The thief blinked. "A what?" "A phone booth. It's short for a phonetics booth which is used in grammar schools. People enunciate in the booth; it was originally built for Scuns who had trouble pronouncing words properly." Refan rolled his eyes. "I know what that means; my brother used to joke that if I didn't learn to pronounce 's' and 'r' properly before I went to school, I'd end up in a phone booth with Scuns. But what does TARDIS stand for? It sounds like 'retard.'" "You're half correct. The name itself has nothing to do with retards but its designers, the Scuns, could be classified as such as they gave it quite a... unique name. TARDIS is short for Traumatic Ass-Raping Discontinuity Isolator-Stripper. I'm sure you understand why we prefer to abbreviate the full Scunnish name and just call it TARDIS in academic circles." "That name makes no sense! What the hell does a stripper have to do with discontinuity?" Refan gasped. "Wait! You're just joking, right? There's no logical way that idiots like Scuns could've created something so advanced... unless the future has gone straight to hell." Frosty the Snowman Along the side of the road, Leon spotted what appeared to be a snowman. It had a corn-cob pipe, buttons for eyes, and a carrot for a nose. The arms were fashioned out of twigs. Whoever had made the snowman was nowhere to be seen. The strange thing about it was the felt top hat that was hanging on a tree next to it. It looked expensive, not at all the sort of thing that someone would just leave lying around. Leon jumped up and inspected it closely. It was in excellent shape, and probably worth a respectable amount of silver. On an impulse, he placed it on the snowman's head. Leon leaped back in alarm as the snowman suddenly smiled and began to dance around. "Hi, everybody," it said in a cheerful voice, "I'm Fro--" "HOLY SHIT, IT CAME TO LIFE! SHOOT IT! SHOOT IT!" shouted Leon in panic. "Wait," it said, "I'm a friendl--AARGH! MY EYE! MY FUCKING EYE! Augh! No! Stop shoot--urk!" As soon as Frosty hit the ground, Leon started kicking snow all over the place, and lit the top hat on fire. It had been a close call. Ghostbusters Example 1 "What do you have in mind, Master Balthazar?" Councillor Gertrude asked. "This magic spreading from the cleric will soon grow too strong for even us to handle even though Councillor Malek is doing his best to keep things under control." "I've experienced a similar phenomenon in the past when I worked in the Grey Cult. Although I've seen the light since those dark days, High Prophet Xerathas did teach the cult some useful tricks, one of which should help us today," Balthazar replied. "All high-level mages here must pool their magic together into a single beam of mana and shoot it at the cleric." "That's presposterous! Every mage worth his license knows that one should never cross the beams!" Councillor Malek gasped. "It would cause untold destruction if so many high-level mages tried to do that!" Example 2 The crystal shook all of a sudden and shattered. The warm liquid touched Ronald and Mary, and the pair turned to see what was going on. A man emerged from the shattered crystal and walked towards them. He stopped in front of the naked pair, and his dark eyes focused on the girl. "Are you a god?" the man asked. "Uhh...no?" Mary muttered, confused by this sudden turn of events. She blinked and quickly added: "My Pa makes some godly fried chicken though--" "Then...DIE!" the man growled in response and drew out his sword in the blink of an eye. Before the pair could react, he decapitated the girl with one clean swing. Gilda It was then Raul's recognizable voice suddenly spoke, interrupting the girl's thoughts. "Haruko, I've got a man here who would like to ask you some questions for him and his fellow's research into your family, we're trying to trace what happened to them," he said. "Are you decent?" Haruko glanced at her white kimono, noticing to her surprise that she hadn't quite tied it up properly when she had exited the hot spring in a hurry and that it was showing some cleavage. Adulterer! "Me? Sure. I'm...decent," the girl answered Raul's inquiry and quickly adjusted the kimono to cover herself up properly while trying to ignore the accusatory voice in her head, the voice which made her heart ache all of a sudden. Hamlet Example 1 "Alas, poor Yorick! I knew him, Leraje: a fellow of infinite bravery, a most excellent opponent," Ronove heard himself saying as he gazed into the eyes of a severed warrior's head which he held in his hand. The tattooed man, Leraje, rolled his eyes. "Why do you always have be so fucking melodramatic every time you kill someone you deem 'worthy'? You're embarrassing me!" Example 2 Ronove regained his senses and looked around. People were still chasing those pesky sand gnomes. His head hurt like it always did when he had these flashes, but he had got used to it by now. He quickly saw the skull, which he had dubbed Yorick to honour whoever that person was he had seen in the flashback. Before the sand gnomes could carry it further, he snatched it from them and moved away while the gnomes hissed menacingly at him. He smiled at the skull. "Reunited again, buddy! Now then, to hide you from those meanies or not to hide you, that is the question..." Happy Days / Robocop Detective-Lieutenant Arthur Fonzarelli of the Royal Citadel Mounted Police was not happy. First Pronin, and now de Ardyn. Could security not prevent murders from happening right under their own noses? And now the Citadel was lousy with SAVAGE--and the worst kind of SAVAGE to boot. ED loved to swoop in and snatch Fonzie's cases out from under him. There was nothing he could do about it, since they had national jurisdiction. This time, though, it would be different. Maar Sul was his city, and it was time to clean it up. This time, he'd be sure it wasn't ED that did the cleaning. They'd buggered up the Pronin investigation, and they'd bugger this one up, too. This case wouldn't be solved by ED. This took savoir faire, and it could only be done by one man--The Fonz. He was half Scun...half Maar Sulais...all cop. There were only three things he trusted: his instincts, his service dagger, and his pet monkey Ted. He slammed his service dagger into its holster at his side. "Come on, Ted," he said in a menacing growl. "It's time to...clean house." Inspector Gadget The barkeep could barely suppress a grin as he heard the phrase Erikur had used. "Some people sure have weird hobbies nowadays. Ya know the saying about not looking into a gift horse's mouth? Well, sharks tend to be much more prone to bite a too curious head off than horses do, that's fo' sho'." "Well, this is the Shark's Tooth tavern which a...friend of mine mentioned, so I decided to take a look around," Erikur said. "But perhaps I was mistaken, and--" "Hold yer horses, lad!" the barkeep grunted. "What did ya say? Shark's Tooth? Ya got it wrong: this is Shark's Maw...ya must've mixed up the name with something else. In fact, the sign above the tavern should've said as much!" Erikur frowned. "The sign specifically said Shark's Tooth, not Maw." "Gosh darn it! Must've been Gadget's rascals again, making their own signs and putting them up there just to spite us honest people who merely want to make a living! Now I have to go and replace the sign all over again!" the barkeep growled and shook his fist to the heavens in an overly dramatic motion. "I'll get ya next time, Gadget!" Iron Maiden Black flowers began sprouting from the monster's bark-like skin and spread their pollen in the air while the power of the wisp and the treant had become one with his. "I see we have guests incoming, my pets," he continued in a slithery tone as he saw the charge of Osmond's Light Brigade. "Show them the hospitality of these woods while I feast on their anguish and despair as I snuff out whatever hope they have left. The pollen of the flowers has affected you earlier...and now I shall regain control over you. Let Fear consume you whole as the Symphony of Terror comes out of your fleshy little mouths! I am Fear Dearg, the far darrig...and my power is ever-growing!" The eye sockets on his skull-like face began burning with blue fire as his voice turned deeper, almost melodic. "The unknown troubles on your mind, maybe your mind is playing tricks. You sense, and suddenly eyes fix on dancing shadows from behind..." "Fear of the Dark..." McCain and Romney groaned, as did several other people from the mob while the pollen of the dark flowers fell on them. Combined with the pollen they had been exposed to earlier from dark flowers in the woods when they had first reached Befana's cottage, the effect was enough to turn their bloodshot eyes black as they turned almost passively at Osmond's group that was approaching them. And then, the possessed mob charged at the group with surprising speed, no longer slumbering like before, while they chanted in unison: "Fear of the Daaaark! I have a phobia that someone's always there!" Kingdom of Heaven Khalid stood still, and eerie silence surrounded him. Then that silence was broken by a cry, or rather a howl so cruel that it even chilled many tough guards to the bone. "I'm going to cut you into little pieces, you son of a bitch! Soon you'll wish you'd never been born!" the Sultan hissed, and his voice grew from a whisper to a loud roar. He reached for his scimitars and looked like he was ready to jump off the wall and run after the Dreadlord who had by now returned to the army. A strong hand landed on the Sultan's shoulder. "No," Razoul said in an emotionless and yet authoritative tone. "I promised my father to keep you safe, so I'm not letting you run to a certain death like some fool." "You dare defy me, your lord?" Khalid spat and punched Razoul. "Ismail was like a father to me, goddamn it! And by Tronin's beard, he was your father! How can you say something like that even though you saw what that bastard did to him? I'm not just going to sit here with my thumb in my ass while that fucker gets away!" "This is just the beginning, and your people expect to see you lead them to victory against the odds," Razoul replied calmly. "You're the father of the Sarquil tribes, my lord. Showing weakness is unacceptable." He turned to nearby archers. "Shoot the imps before they cause any more damage." Arrows rained down from the sky and landed on the imps who fell one by one. However, one survived and defiantly threw Ismail's helmet at an archer. Razoul grabbed the helmet midair before it reached its intended target and threw a dagger at the imp that had crept too close to the wall. Once the imps had fallen, there was not much left of the proud captain's corpse except for a few chunks of flesh and bones as well as the severed head which was still stuck in a spear. Khalid's eyes moved from the grisly scene to the massive army of undulating red that stood there in the horizon like a force of nature. Then he turned to Razoul, tears filling his proud eyes perhaps for the first time in a long while as he realized the futility of it all. "You're a monster," the Sultan whispered to the black man, his voice cracking. He clenched his fists and had to lean on the wall for support. Razoul's fingers wandered absent-mindedly on the surface of his father's bloodstained Ebony Helmet. "I am what I am. Someone has to be," he muttered and turned to the guards. Lady Gaga Jono smiled. "Gentlemen, and... gentle--uh--worm, this is just one big misunderstanding. Surely someone so wise and powerful such as yourself wouldn't use such a lowly tactic as shoot us?" The dragonoid seemed to consider this for a moment and narrowed its snakelike eyes. "Yesss... why should I waste my ammo on cretins such as yourself? If you truly are as innocent as you claim to be, there's only one way to settle this... poetry competition!" Refan's eyes grew wide. "Poetry? POETRY?! Oh dear Cardia please no! Anything but that!" He turned to Jono, hoping that the resourceful swordsman would figure out a way to save them from this tricky predicament. "Enough girlish hysterics, Refan! I need quiet to think." "But I wasn't--" Jono let out a loud shush, and shook his finger vigorously in a random direction. He could imagine his companion off to the side, shaking like a girl, weeping silently and biting his nails. The sad bastard. He guessed it was up to him to save the day once again. It was then that he reached out with his senses, tapping into the strangest facet of his Innate Ability, a more powerful connection to the supernatural plane than your average joe. Searching through the voices of the dead, he tried to pinpoint one to come to his aid in this nefarious contest. Suddenly he was touched by the voice and shade of noble lady, her aura enveloping Jono in warm sensations. She whispered in his ear, and he repeated aloud: :"Rah-rah-ah-ah-ah! :''Roma-Roma-ma-ah! :''Ga-ga-ooh-la-la! :''Want your bad romance." After several minutes more of this poetry, Jono slowly felt the lady leave him. He was alone in silence until he heard the Lindworm sniff, and begin weeping. "It's so beautiful! My apologies, friends. No one with such genius could be a thief." The Last Unicorn "What do you want?" Izael hissed, careful not to raise his voice. Thrax smiled. "Oh, it's the other way around, Izael. The real question is: what do ''you want? Follow the Master's orders to the bitter end, or live happily ever after with your true love?" Izael bit his lip but remained silent. Thrax always turned questions upside down, and the most unnerving thing was that he always hit the mark, finding your weak spot. "Good. That's all the information I need," the Totenkopf said. "You may keep your lips sealed, but the rest of your body has betrayed you. A pace, a glance, a turn of the head, the flash of your throat as you breathe... even your way of standing perfectly still--they were all my spies." The Legend of Zelda CD-i Games Razravkar left. His stomach was grumbling. It didn't take him long to find someplace to eat. Harkinian's Dinner, said the sign. Razravkar shrugged and walked in. The rotund blond owner laughed as Razravkar entered. "Ho ho ho! I wonder what's for dinner!" "I'll have the chicken." "Mai boi, this chicken is what all true warriors strive for!" It was at that moment Marisa wandered in. "Razravkar? Is that you?" "No idea what you're talking about." "I have a tricycle and some explosives." It was then that Razravkar's visions came again. Nothing he did mattered. He was too weak - too weak - Clutching his head, he closed his eyes. It was not Razravkar who opened them again. Running outside, he found the tricycle with explosives strapped to it. How convenient. Furiously pedaling down the street toward Etemenanki, he cried "MAI BOY, THIS IS WHAT ALL TRUE WARRIORS STRIVE FOR!!!!!!!" The tricycle hit the ziggurat at a moderate speed, detonating the explosives and killing the necromancer instantly. The Little Mermaid Jason followed the light for a time and finally reached what appeared to be a meadow. His eyes immediately noticed a brook and farther ahead its source: a serene spring surrounded by pillars which had long since crumbled into ruins and become mossy and were now the only visible reminders of whatever had originally been built there. He could now see the source of light from earlier: it appeared to be a green ball of flickering fire which floated above the spring, a will-o'-the-wisp. As he observed this strange sight, he suddenly heard a beautiful voice singing somewhere nearby: :What would I give to live where you are? :''What would I pay to stay here beside you? :''What would I do to see you smiling at me? Jason's eyes turned to where the voice was coming from, and he finally noticed who had been singing. There was a girl sitting on a rock near the spring with her back turned to him and seemed to be cooling off her toes and splashing the water playfully every once in a while. She was combing her dark, wavy hair, and her smooth, ebony skin was barely covered in green leaves which didn't do much to hide her curves. The girl continued her song but this time she was almost humming it, which sounded sweet like a cat purring: :''Where would we walk, :''Where would we run, :''If we could stay all day in the sun? :''Just you and me :''And I could be :''Part of your world! A long-forgotten ruins in the middle of a forest, a serene spring and brook, a black girl probably close to Jason's age based on her voice sitting on a rock with barely any clothes on while looking at a green ball of fire...it was a weird combination. What was a lone girl doing out here on her own? Had she got lost in these woods and had sought refuge in the soothing light of that will-'o-the-wisp? She sounded so calm, as calm as the forest itself. The girl's voice continued, now even more quiet and anxious than before but still audible to Jason who also heard a strange longing in her melody: :''I don't know when, :''I don't know how, :''But I know something's starting right now. :''Watch and you'll see, :''Someday I'll be :''Part of your world... The lyrics of the girl's song faded, and she began humming while combing her hair, her back still turned to Jason, which is why the boy couldn't see her face clearly. It was then the boy heard the rustling in the foliage behind him and what sounded like faint whispering before it faded away. The girl hadn't reacted to it nor had she noticed his presence, or she hadn't heard it because she was humming to herself. Or was it all just in Jason's mind? Lost Besides, there was one more, far more weighty reason for the greater demon to stay put. He knew from experience that if he left to do some chores while his orbs' channels were showing interesting stuff, he'd end up missing the good parts. After not being able to watch the final vision of "Lost (and Regained) Memories" which had provided some crazy plot twists late in the summer season (black smoke be damned!), he had made sure not to repeat that mistake again. More than almost anything, he wanted to see events unfold in the prime time slot and be the first one to tell the juicy news to others immediately afterwards. McDonalds Ronald McDonald grinned as he saw Mary undress herself in moonlight. It was warm outside at night even here in the north in Ciano, the town of love. The pair had chosen a wheat field to consummate their relationship. The location was out of sight; a necessary precaution because Colonel Sanders, the wealthy merchant famous throughout Libaterra for his fried chicken, would be less than pleased to learn that a minstrel clown would be sleeping with his "untouchable" daughter tonight. "Show me your Big Mac," Mary giggled as she began pulling off the clown's trousers. The clown pushed the naked girl to the ground, savouring every moment as his eyes feasted on her body. He felt her trembling as he placed himself on top of her. "You're that ecstatic already, eh? Don't worry, Uncle Ronald will let you drink his McFlurry once we've had some fun first--" Memento Gekrepten sat in her cell and stared at the wall. "How did it end up like this?" she asked herself out loud. "Well," replied the guard outside. "I'd say the wall ended up like that mostly because of neglect. We don't really get janitors to clean the cells I suppose, seems like a waste of time really. And all that moss ended up there because of all the dampness. Dampness creates moss y'know. Yeah, moss'll do that to a wall. It's that hole in the roof y'see, y'know, where the water comes through. Yeah, whenever it rains the water seeps through and..." Gekrepten sighed, ignoring the guard. "How did it all end up like this?" ''Three years earlier... Gekrepten stood in front of the castle in Myridia. In all honesty she didn't think this would work, but she was desperate, so she set off in order to meet with the king. Two months earlier... Makoto was enjoying his banana crepes when something at the window caught his attention. Looking over, he saw there was a carpie just outside, and it had something in its beak. Makoto hurried over to the window and saw it was carrying an envelope so he took it out and opened it up. Inside he found a letter and a picture. “The king! It worked! We are saved!” Makoto did a double take and looked at the letter again. "...hot...body???" Three minutes earlier... Temporarily blinded, the eagle had no choice but to abort the attack, leaving the carpie to escape, only now the carpie was completely lost. The carpie bird decided it needed some R and R, so it headed down for the forest and settled down on a window sill. "Mmm...banana crepes..." it thought. Five minutes earlier... As the carpie flew into a clearing, an eagle quickly descended upon him, the eagle's talons narrowly missing the carpie's body. The carpie dodged and evaded the attacking eagle for a while but the carpie knew that it wouldn't be able to dodge forever. With this in mind, the carpie suddenly ascended and then positioned itself over the eagle, and then used its only form attack. It did a big sloshy poop on the eagle’s head. Ten minutes earlier... "Why the hell did you do that?" the officer demanded. "Don't you know that's one of the worst crimes you can commit in this country?" "I...it was an accident," Thomas replied. "Oh yeah, well that's for the courts to decide!" The officer was approached by a soldier. "We found something in the beak, sir." "What is it?" asked the officer. "Well there’s a picture of a naked lady and...a note." "I'll take the picture," the officer said. "I’ll give it a thorough examination later. Now what does the note say? Read it out." The soldier looked around, embarrassed. "Ooh ooh ahh eee chikka chikka bikko bokkity boo, sir." Three minutes earlier... Thomas examined the bow that was sitting outside on the table. Picking it up, he realised it was elven. He always wanted to shoot an elven bow, so he did. He shot an arrow into the air. Unfortunately for Thomas, a carpie happened to be occupying that air. I guess unfortunately for the carpie too, seeing as how it plummeted to the ground and died. Though Thomas really was the unfortunate one here, seeing as he had just committed one of the worst crimes in Aison, right in the middle of the annual law enforcement Mardi Gras. Six minutes earlier, in Reno... Vauldorf checked the letter again, before he gave it to the carpie. It read: Well, how do like my new look? I did it just for you, you know. We'll have to meet up sometime, but don't come to me, I'll come to you. P.S. I bet you can't resist my hot body now! Vauldorf smirked to himself as he put the letter and a picture of himself into the carpie’s beak. "Hehehe, with this new haircut, Sarah will be putty in my hands!" Vauldorf watched as the carpie flew off and left Reno. Then Vauldorf realised he had written the whole letter in monkey language. "CRAP!" Eight minutes earlier... Vauldorf got a haircut. Twelve minutes earlier, at the Magestar... Gekrepten hurriedly put the message and the picture into the carpie and then sent it on its way. Now she just had to get out of the Magestar unseen, and everything would have worked out perfectly. Twenty minutes earlier... The woman looked in the mirror and studied her face. It had worked. She noticed something engraved into the glass of the mirror – "Gekrepten Glassworks." The woman then grabbed a piece of paper and some ink, and quickly began to sketch. Seven minutes earlier... "I need to go to the toilet," Henry said to the other guard. "I'll be back in a sec." "I need to go too," said the other guard. Henry groaned and walked off to the toilet, with the other guard following behind. Mungo-Mungo took this opportunity to sneak into the room. Inside there were many scrolls and potions, and soon Mungo-Mungo found the one he was looking for. The label read: "Polymorphism. If accidentally swallowed consult a doctor/vet, depending on symptoms." Mungo-Mungo took a swig of the potion and suddenly felt a change begin inside his body. Six minutes earlier... Mungo-Mungo navigated the hallways of the Magestar, until he came across the room he was looking for. Unfortunately, two soldiers were standing guard outside it. "You need to go to the toilet, Henry?" asked one of the soldiers. "No," Henry replied. "Neither do I," the other soldier replied. "Are you sure?" Henry asked. "Because you always seem to need to go when I do." "...no I don't." Thirty minutes earlier... King Mungo-Mungo Coconuts Boonana XXXIII looked up at the Magestar in awe. He had finally made it. If everything went to plan, Monkey Land would be saved. Sixty-Nine years earlier... "Congratulations, you've got a beautiful baby boy." The midwife handed the baby to the mother. "What will you call him?" "Vauldorf," the mother replied, smiling at her baby. "Can I have a hold?" the father asked. The mother nodded and sat up to hand over the baby. She leaned forward but she lost her grip and dropped the baby on its head on the ground. Mrs Springer looked around the room nervously. "Surely one little drop on the head can't hurt him, can it?" Metal Gear Solid Zib was walking through the large mansion of Dreadlord Ronove, doing his duty. That is, he was collecting garbage. It wasn't a proud job, or so the high class demons seemed to remind him every day, but it was a necessary one. Do any of them even know how much garbage they create? Zib was tired of it all, yet he would do his duty, one gnawed bone and cake boxes at the time. There did seem to be an awful lot of cake boxes left around lately. He idly wondered from bin to bin as he suddenly heard a sound. "Sneak.. Sneak.. Sneak.." When the demon looked around the corner he saw a wooden box. Now this wasn't out of the ordinary, but there was something different. the box was moving in the direction of the Dreadlord's room, and the sound seemed to be coming from the box. "Sneak.. Sneak.. Sneak..", the girlish voice came from the box. "You know..." said Zib slowly, "I don't think you're supposed to say sneak." The box squealed in surprise and the movements seemed to quicken. "Sneak sneak sneak sneak sneak sneak." Well, at least it was less loud. He should probably raise the alarm, and then they would question and mock him for doing nothing himself. Was he even getting paid enough for this? ...Wait, was he even getting paid? "Screw this," Zib said and went off to do his daily round to collect the trash that seemed to accumulate near that one exited little demon's catapult. The Offspring "Urgh...a beautiful melody, but it also has such an irritating effect on me and these poor creatures. What should I make of this earworm? Oh, I know! You need some cool tunes to counter it, but not just any will suffice. So don't debate, a player straight. You know that paladin really doesn't get it anyway! He's gonna play the field, and keep it real. For you no way, for you no way! So if you don't rate, just overcompensate. The world loves wannabes. So hey! Hey! Do that brand new thing!" Fear hummed while looking at his claws which Osmond had severed before his attention returned to the paladin who was now carrying Befana away from him. "You may not have a clue, and you may not have style. But everything you lack...well, you make up in denial! So give it to me, baby. Uh-huh, uh-huh! Give it to me, baby. Uh-huh, uh-huh! And all the nymphs say you're pretty fly...for a white guy!" And with that weird song of power directed at Osmond backing him up, Fear stomped his foot on the ground. It sent a tremor towards the paladin who fell down with Befana because of the quake that offset his balance. "Yes, a pretty fly in a spider's web, now that I think of it. Oh, that symbolism works well indeed!" Fear growled. "I need to make that verse rhyme...perhaps I shall ask that bardic band, The Offspring, for some advice if I run into them again. Yes! I will make them mine as well, and they can be called--or rather, become--The Offspring...of Fear!" One Piece For the first time in the entire conversation, Kuro Tori smiled. It lasted for only the briefest of moments, however, and then his eyes narrowed again. He picked up a bone--which looked eerily like a human's kneebone now that Unithien thought of it--before he threw it in the corner. The giggling demoness ran after the flying bone on all fours, mimicking barking sounds all the way. The sound was soon replaced by snarls and munching. "There used to be a crazy captain named Monkey D. Luffy. But he annoyed Tori-sama one time too many by monkeying around, so Tori-sama rewarded the captain for his troubles by giving him to Bai Gu Jing," Peg-Leg Mike whispered, a hint of an unsettling smile on his rugged face. "Turns out Bai's sticks and stones really did break poor Luffy's bones. Such be the fate of any who disobey or disrespect Tori-sama as the skulls we saw before we entered the Captain's Cabin demonstrated." The Phantom of the Opera Example 1 Refan closed in on Ax with inhuman speed, and before the warrior could step back, he grabbed and squeezed her arm until she released her grip from the sword. When Ax tried to move her knee to kick the half-demon in the groin, she suddenly felt some strange power preventing her legs from moving. "I've learned my lesson from last time. That trick won't work on me again," Refan whispered. He pressed his lips against Ax's, and slowly but surely he felt her fierce resistance dropping as his demonic power oozed into her. It was as if time stopped, but he eventually he let her go reluctantly. "Too long you've wandered in darkness, far from my far-reaching gaze. You resist, but we both know your heart obeys. Don't betray your feelings for me!" Example 2 "What I want is to be with you, Khalid," Ax whispered, gently moving her hands from his shoulders up to his face. "I couldn't say it last night, I was so afraid of it, so afraid of what it meant...but I'm not afraid anymore. Khalid al-Saif, I...love you." "Only in my wildest dreams did I think I'd ever hear you say that. But I can't—I won't—I am not worthy of your love, Axikasha," Khalid said miserably. He saw disappointment and hurt in her eyes, mirroring the emotions he had felt just the night before, and found himself unable to look away. "I've already released you, and I will not go back on my word. You deserve someone who will cherish you and treat you like the queen that you are, someone who can truly make you happy. I deserve nothing. I...am a monster." "You're not a monster, Khalid. You can make me happy...and I could do the same for you, should you let me," Ax said with tear-filled eyes. Khalid drew in a shaky breath, relishing the scent of her. She was so close now, so warm and inviting, so beautiful. "I don't deserve...I...this makes no sense. I must be dreaming." "If this is a dream, my love, then let us abandon thought...and let the dream descend," Ax said breathily. She felt Khalid's resolve falter, and drew him towards her in a passionate embrace. She moaned softly as their lips met in a fervent kiss, and for a mere instant, her eyes flickered red in elation. In triumph. Plants vs. Zombies Rhylian stifled a giggle as she turned back to Virgil. "Sir, I fear that is as close to an acceptance of your proposal as you're likely to get. And though you say my apologies are not necessary, I shall apologize for her harsh words nonetheless. Again." "And I shall remind you that I don't need you to apologize for me, elf!" Shyralis snapped. "I've accepted no proposals, save for the one we're running late for...but yes, we can hear him out. Now or later, it makes no difference. Druid, please tell me your plan doesn't involve sending squads of singing sunflowers at the undead?" The Princess Bride Example 1 The dark-haired man blinked. "I've never seen you before! Get out before you get hurt!" "Was I so insignificant back then that you didn't even bother to memorize me even though I told you that this day would come? Very well, Wanderer. Let me introduce myself once more. Listen closely, because the following words will be the last ones you'll ever hear," the count said and pointed his staff at the man. "Hello. My name is Belial de Ardyn. You killed my brother. Prepare to die!" Example 2 "Hello. My name is Belial de Ardyn. You killed my brother. Prepare to die!" Elsewhere, a six-fingered man suddenly snapped, "Will you stop saying that!?!?" His companion looked puzzled. "Saying what?" "Never mind, it just seemed like the right thing to say at the time. Fancy some more magic mushrooms?" "As you wish." Ransom Example 1 Maple faltered briefly, but then resumed her magical attacks. "I know nothing about your brat, only that you've upset some very powerful people and they want you dead." Every attack was countered in turn by Glaurung. "You think I'll believe that? You don't know who you're fucking with. Take this back to your masters: You kill him, you kill yourself, you motherfuckers! GIVE ME BACK MY SON!" Mel Gibson popped out of a tent, accompanied by a pair of lawyers. "Um, excuse me," he began, "But you can't say that, it's a famous line from my--" Maple cut him off with a snarled "Incende!" and Mel and his lawyers burst into flames. Example 2 The sky sparkled with magic above the western lands of Libaterra, in the area controlled by the Crimson Coalition. A shining, projected image of Commander Glaurung Losstarot appeared above the awed people all around the countryside. She was clad in full green armor and helmet and looked more menacing than ever before. "Greetings, brave men and women of the Coalition! I have grave news that I wish to share with you: my son, Hannibal Losstarot, was kidnapped for ransom a few days ago, and our enemies in Alent and Maar Sul collaborated in this foul deed," she said, and a drawing of Hannibal appeared next to her. "This is a recent sketch of my son. Sweetie, if you're watching this, I love you." Then the magical image expanded, showing Glaurung standing in a room full of gold coins, jewels and other valuables. "And this... well, this is what waits for the bastards that took my son away from me. This is your ransom. Two million gold pieces, just like you wanted. But... this is as close as you'll ever get to it. You'll never see any of this money, because no ransom will ever be paid for my son. Do you hear me? Not even one coin!" Glaurung held a dramatic pause before she continued. "Instead, I'm offering this money as a reward on your heads, dear kidnappers. Dead or alive, it doesn't matter. Congratulations, you've just become a two million gold piece lottery ticket... except the odds are much, much better. Do you know anyone who wouldn't turn you in for two million gold pieces? I don't think you do. I doubt it. So, wherever you go and whatever you do, this money will be tracking you down for all time. And if I ever get my hands on you bastards, I'll make you wish you had never kidnapped my son!" "But... and this is your last chance... if you return my son alive and uninjured, I'll withdraw the bounty. With any luck you can simply disappear. Understand this... you'll never see this money. Not one coin. So, you still have a chance to do the right thing. If you don't, may the gods be with you, because nobody else on this world will be!" The magical image of Glaurung disappeared, and the skies became still once more. The Secret of NIMH "Take one more step and you'll regret it!" Jason shouted, doing his best to protect his wounded brother. "Regret is such a funny word. Only weaklings have regrets!" the man growled. "In my life I've learned this much: take what you can when you can! And if you all stand between me and my wench, I'll just take your lives as compensation!" Seiken Densetsu 3 Qadohi raised her hands in the air as she addressed her kin. "Behold! The tailless ones have chosen to walk down the Path of Blood! Now they shall face the ultimate challenge, the one who is known as Deathfang, Terror Incarnate, Eater of Souls, Doomgaze, Sharpclaw, and Beast of the Bottomless Abyss!" The ground shook, and the heroes drew their weapons as they saw the glowing, blue eyes glowing brighter and brighter in the shadows. They could see something dark emerging from the gate, and they prepared themselves for battle. Qadohi's voice grew louder. "Step forth, you who are the deadliest creation of Lord Shakkan, you who are his pride and joy, you whose true name is..." Khasra blinked in disbelief once the black creature had fully emerged from the shadows of the gate. "What the hell? That's a facking--" "...PLUSHIEBUNNY!" Qadohi concluded her speech triumphantly. Greg rubbed his wrists and walked towards the cute, ordinary-looking black bunny which had appeared. "I was afraid of THIS? What a joke! This cutie couldn't even hurt a fly!" "Keep your distance!" Ariadne ordered and closed her eyes when she saw Greg take the bunny in his arms. She waited for an agonizing scream of death, but she heard nothing so she opened her eyes and gasped. Greg was unharmed. "Come on, Ariadne! You're overreacting! Shakkan's just making us look like fools, that's all!" Greg smiled and turned his eyes to Plushiebunny. "Look at him! The little fella's all scared! Don't worry, Uncle Greg won't harm you--" Plushiebunny's jaws suddenly opened wide and swallowed Greg whole. The creature rapidly grew into its true, gigantic form and turned its blue, sinister eyes to the heroes. It burped and grinned evilly, and then it attacked. Titaniel crapped his pants. Shadow Hearts: Covenant Suddenly Jacob smiled. "I know you are in there somewhere, Axikasha! Since you have been so kind as to help Me reach My goals today, I shall let you in on one more secret. Remember that girl, Shyla? What if I told you that she is still alive and waiting for you? I figured out that it was she who was originally meant to have Dawn. Yes, you are not the Chosen One, after all! Your only purpose is to deliver Dawn to Shyla, and I assure you that I will make it happen. You shall be forced to confront the shadows of your past, so remember these words!" "Before you continue your boring speech, can I ask a favour?" Ax muttered. Jacob sighed. "What do you wish, fool?" "I wish you'd shove it. You know where!" the female warrior chuckled. Shaft Decanus cleared his throat and suddenly twirled around quite elegantly before he stopped, gazing into Varalia's eyes. "Who's the white pirate dick that's a sex machine to all the chicks?" he hummed. "Decanus!" Smee and the pirates sang in response, their looks no longer fierce but almost sultry. "You're damn right!" the captain continued. "Who is the man that would risk his neck for his brother man?" "Decanus!" came the reply from the pirate chorus. "Can ya dig it?" Decanus hummed, his voice deeper now. "Who's the cat that won't cop out when there's danger all about?" "Decanus!" the choir moaned. The captain grinned. "Right on! You see, this cat Decanus is a bad mother--" "Shut your mouth!" the crew responded. He wagged his finger. "But I'm talkin' about Decanus!" The choir smiled and sang as one: "Then we can dig it!" "He's a complicated man, but no one understands him but his women!" Decanus cried out. "Decanus Tafford!" the pirate crew asserted in a powerful crescendo which led to the climactic finale. "Captain Hook!" Snakes on a Plane Meanwhile, Ax was locked in a duel to the death with her own worst nightmare, the Soap. She laughed harshly as her blade finally met Soapflesh, cleanly slicing it in half. "Take that, you bastard!" The two halves sank to the ground slowly...then, to Ax's horror, rose up again, swiftly growing to form two complete Soaps. Ax narrowed her eyes. "Oh, give me a break! I'VE HAD IT WITH THIS MOTHERFUCKING SOAP IN THESE MOTHERFUCKING RUINS!" Suikoden 2 The air became heavier as dark magic concentrated around Leraje's body. It was then that the fiend transformed, his armor adapting to his true, malevolent form. He grew twice as tall, and his big, now-demonic body looked intimidating with its tattoos and muscles. The Dreadlord's horns were long and gruesome, and his wings looked huge and spiky. His tail was pointy and looked powerful enough to pierce any armor. His sharp claws and teeth looked ominous under the sun, but the most dreadful things were the red eyes which burned with pure malice. "Don't let him intimidate you!" Khasra barked to his companions. "We'll--" His sentence was cut short when the Dreadlord punched him in the face with blinding speed, sending him tumbling down. The fiend cut down six Black Guards effortlessly and grinned. "What? Is this the best you can do? Where's that confidence of yours now?" he laughed with his deep, demonic voice and gleefully tore apart any nearby Sarquil and Blades that got in his way. "You can round up a million maggots to try to defeat me... but you'll still all just be maggots!" Super Mario Bros Example 1 Kaisa hugged herself, trying to keep her teeth from chattering. What on earth had she been thinking, going off alone like this? From the corner of her eye, she thought she saw a flash of red gliding beneath the water. Probably just her imagination, she decided. She eyed the shore, then glanced back at the ship, and muttered a word Ax had told her ladies weren't supposed to use. Everything seemed so far away, and her arms were aching so badly... And now Ax's boat had stopped, it seemed. Kaisa stamped her foot in annoyance, then cursed again as the resulting splash soaked her pants up to the knee. Wait a minute, the... splash? Wasn't the water supposed to be outside the boat? Kaisa cursed a third time as she finally noticed the water swelling inside the shabby rowboat. How had she not noticed this before? At this rate, the boat wouldn't last another five minutes... and there was that flash of red again. This time, she was almost sure it wasn't her imagination. She cursed again, then started to scream. As the rowboat's occupants cowered, something circled in the water near the downed ship... something big. With a huge splash and one mighty gulp, the giant red fish swallowed a nearby survivor and disappeared beneath the waves. Example 2 "These people will be capable of finishing the slaughter even without your 'assistance'. And even if they stopped for some reason, Lord Cain's pet will make sure that those who survived won't live for long," the masked mage stated. Zenobia gasped. "You mean he let the Omari fish loose? But what about all the tests concerning the Blood Fever and its side effects on--" "Don't worry: there'll be other specimens. This chaos you created is a perfect opportunity to test the Omari fish in action. Whatever happens, the data it'll provide will be most useful to the Master," the masked mage interrupted. The Thief of Bagdad The white mage looked ahead and saw the ship moving towards a strait which was surrounded by two huge, pillar-like rock formations. "Shouldn't you slow down? We're going to crash unless our speed drops!" she gasped as her eyes noticed a cliff on the other end of the strait which cut off the waterway. Makoto had a knowing smile on his face. "All is being taken care of. Just wait and see. Or hear, as the case may be." :"I never know why men come back from sea :''The sea is cruel, but the sea is clean..." Unithien immediately turned her eyes up the mast where this new, loud voice was coming from. She saw a lone sailor standing in the crow's nest, singing in a perfect key. The man's strong baritone voice, which seemed to be amplified with magic, continued: :"The cause of this vast purity must be :That men at sea are few and far between!" It was a sad yet somewhat determined melody, bittersweet in its tone and yet oddly empowering. Before Unithien could ponder why a sailor had suddenly begun singing, she heard another voice, this time a woman's: :"Hardship is all she ever gave to me :And yet I ask why men come back from sea..." The white mage's eyes turned to the source of this new voice, and she saw a blond woman in white standing on the cliffs above as the ship sailed at full speed into the strait and past the Pillars of Autumn. Her voice was melodic and beautiful. It was an aged yet strong soprano which was in contrast with the deep baritone of the sailor. The woman continued in a beautiful yet cold voice: :"The sea is cruel, but the sea is clean :Oh, poor brown earth, how kind you might have been!" She heard other voices joining in. Although many of these sailors weren't good singers, the sheer strength of their collective voices gave resonance to the two soloist's perfomance as the wind carried the melody. She could sense magic in the air but this was magic she wasn't too familiar of. And then, much to her shock, she saw the cliffs on the other side of the strait ''move...or had it all been an illusion which now gave way to the hidden truth behind it? She was too in awe to fully understand what was going on, and all she could do was watch as their ship sailed past the cliffs and into what lay beyond. What she saw surprised her just as much as the cliffs, which had moved with the song's power, had. The ship had entered a caldera, a natural bay formed into a crater surrounded by tall cliffs on all sides. And deeper in this caldera was a house, then another, and soon an entire port revealed itself to her, and the docks were full of ships of all kinds, ranging from small boats to larger vessels. Three Amigos Meanwhile, a trio of elves trudged through the desert nearing Vanna. The lanky, bald, armored giant led quietly, grinning through the exhaustion and exposure. Behind him, the yellow garbed youth followed in his shadow, muttering to himself. And bringing up the rear, the only native to these deserts bitched the loudest. "Lucky, just stop for a while! I'm hot and tired and sweaty and thirsty!" Baldy glanced back and snorted, returning to his mechanical strides across the sandy wastes. His young follower hun back a bit and looked sideways at his short, dark companion. "I thought you were from here, Dusty. Going to let a bunch of foreigners show you up?" He got what he was fishing for, a furious tirade from the archer. "I left here to escape the sun and sand in every orifice of my body, you asshole! If it weren't for the Crimson Coalition's fat ass bounty, I wouldn't have step foot in this hellhole full of sand and shrouded xenophobes and zealots." Lucky once again glared back, causing Dusty to stop further outbursts. "You know, Dusty, you better be more tolerant of your countrymen when we reach Vanna. You're our only in with that lot." "Shut up, Ned. I know my part. I've been at this way longer than you, ya know." "Hmm," was Ned's only response, as he quickened his pace to return to Lucky's shadow. Dusty put his hood up and glowered at them both as he begrudgingly tried to keep pace. Vanna loomed achingly far in the distance. Titanic The two lovers stood at the bow of the ship, one behind the other, pressed gently to the railing. Fingers intertwined, they raised their hands until they were standing with arms outstretched on each side... like wings, perhaps. When they tilted their heads a certain way, there was nothing in their field of vision but water. It was like there was no ship under them at all, just the two of them soari-- "What the hell are you idiots doing?" an annoyed female voice demanded. Startled, the two men stumbled backwards sheepishly. Jose blushed. Rack managed to stammer, "My apologies, Captain. We were just... ah... testing something." Ax raised an eyebrow. "Testing something, you say?" "Yes, Captain," Rack mumbled. "We just--" "Oh, stop," Ax interrupted. "I don't even want to know. Just get out of here already." With a sigh of relief, Rack and Jose scrambled away. Ax shook her head in amusement. Tombstone Example 1 General Leopold Lain reached a hill overseeing the ford and slammed a black flag with a red lion holding a skull and a compass rose on the ground... the proud flag of the Crimson Coalition. "This is only the beginning, Alent! From this day forth you can no longer cower behind barricades and spells for we have finally taken the battle to your inner sanctum, the heartlands! Now the east shall experience the wrath which we had to endure in the west for years!" he yelled at the Alentians while the roars of thousands of Coalition soldiers and mages echoed behind him. "Flee and let your cowardly Council of Usurpers know that we're coming...and hell's coming with us!" Example 2 At last, the Sinlarine man's guests got up and left. Relaxing a bit, Ax sauntered to the table and plopped down, her half-finished mug of ale sloshing about wildly. "A Sinlarine, a Fraquid and a dwarf walk into a bar...sounds like the start of a lousy joke," Ax snickered, leaning back in her chair. "And oh, can't forget the loud asshole in shining armor. Who was the big ugly bastard, anyway? Swinging around a sword that big...gotta be compensating for something, don't ya think?" Corwin's gloomy expression made it clear that he was not in the mood for joking. "You shouldn't concern yourself with these matters, Ax. But that man is known as the Destroyer, or Gilgamesh. Supposedly a warrior without equal." Ax snorted, her drink still sloshing about, threatening to spill at any moment. "A warrior without equal, eh? Never heard of him. What do you think? Should I hate him?" "You don't even know him," Corwin said flatly. "Yeah, but there was just something about him. Something around the eyes...I don't know, reminds me of..." Ax trailed off, suddenly sitting up straight. "Me. No, I'm sure of it. I hate him!" Trailer Park Boys "Oh gods!" Maple grimaced as she noticed that a Scun sailor had dropped his pants and taken a dump on the ship's deck. "Sorry, ma'am! Me just got sooooo nervuz aboot all diz Donnerwetter Party schtuff!" the sailor replied bashfully. "Me haz a weak stomach, y'see!" "Get that piece of shit off my ship immediately!" ordered Captain Donner. Nearby Scuns took a firm grip of the sailor and threw him overboard. "Not him, you idiots, but that pile of crap over there!" Donner hissed and pointed at the excrement that was still on deck. The stench was getting horrible by now. As the Scuns heaved the sailor's feces off the ship, Maple considered whether she should insert pencils into her nose again. --- Sergeant Lahey met Corporal Randy at the docks of Scundor. "Did you find anything in Carriage Park?" Carriage Park was the neighbourhood in Scundor which consisted of carriages parked next to one another. It was basically a slum where the less fortunate Scuns, or bums as Lahey liked to call them, lived in. Lahey and Randy had been instructed to keep things in order in that neighbourhood, and they had recently traced the origin of certain drugs to that area. "Nope. The place was clean like a newborn baby's ass, and Julian and his pals were nowhere in sight. I suppose they got wind of the raid and took all the evidence with them before I arrived," Randy sighed, scratching his big, hairy belly. He never wore a shirt for some reason. "Are you drunk, boss? We're on duty, y'know." "Damn those Carriage Park Boys! Sexian is hot, but even so it's illegal to smuggle drugs into this city. I'm gonna catch him in the act someday, just wait and see!" Lahey hissed, his face turning bright red. "And I'm not drunk! I've only had two drinks, that's all!" Randy knew better, though. Lahey always said he had "only had two drinks", but the actual number of drinks was often much greater than that. Lahey was an alcoholic, and it should have been Randy's duty to take him to the authorities, but Randy loved him passionately, and he could never betray his lover. However, Randy did not like how Lahey was so obsessive about catching Julian (or Sexian as Lahey usually called that handsome drug dealer). So far Julian and his friends, who ran a drug business somewhere in Carriage Park, had eluded them, but sooner or later that so-called Carriage Park Boys gang would run out of luck. Randy frowned all of a sudden as he smelled the air. "Oh, sweet mother of mercy! What's that foul stench coming from the sea?" Lahey gazed on the horizon, and he had a weary, knowing look in his eyes. "It's the wind of shit, Randy. The wind of shit." Watchmen Nina smiled warmly but that smile felt like someone was stabbing your heart a hundred times. "So you have heard about us? I'm flattered," she continued. "I wanted to talk to you personally to congratulate you on a job well done." "Well, the portal's closed, and your plans have failed. Illunii won't be invaded anytime soon," Vitani grunted. "The portal is only a minor loss in the big picture. What I got instead will be much more useful for my horde in the long run," Nina said in a mocking tone. "The poor Sinlarine girl aided my cause without knowing it by shattering her magical scepter with hopes of stopping my minions; instead she caused something beyond her imagination. Jezebeth's scheme involving her was only the icing on an already delicious cake which I had baked long in advance. The scepter she shattered had an exact copy in Thanatos's laboratory, but neither she nor the elven fool realized the true meaning behind the term Twins and what powers one scepter would possess if its twin was ever destroyed. They thought the term Twins either referred to two powerful shades or the two books of prophecy...exactly as I planned." Xolkai hurried to the bookshelfs in the laboratory, searching for the scepter...but found nothing. "What have you done?" he hissed. "Do you seriously think I'd explain my masterstroke if there remained the slightest chance of you affecting its outcome?" The archdemon raised her arm, revealing the distinct form of a scepter, the exact twin copy of the one Deidra had once held. "I had another minion in the Barca manor, and she delivered this scepter to me four days ago." She had a warm, motherly smile on her human face, which was a creepy constrast to her burning demonic eyes. World of Warcraft As Signan droned on, Vaetris surveyed their surroundings. She could've sworn she'd heard a rustle of sand, but perhaps it was just the wind. She held up a hand to silence Signan. There it was again... definitely not the wind. "Ax!" she whispered harshly. "Something... something's up ahead!" "AAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIII!" came an unholy screech. A lump popped up in the sand, then burst through, a deadly-tipped spear swinging around wildly. Then came another, and another. Soon, nearly twenty of the creatures had broken through the surface, each with a spear and shield pointed at the group. As the dust cleared, the creatures became visible. Squat, sturdy, pallid-skinned... things covered in strange tattoos. They wore strange masks and loincloths that reminded Vaetris of the jungle folk she'd seen so long ago... though the jungle folk hadn't been nearly so... so... Short. The heroes paused, some drawing their weapons. Rhylian tentatively crept forward, bow at the ready. "Sirithai...?" Ax was pale, nearly as pale as the strange creatures before them. "No. Hephaestus help us, they're goddamn sand gnomes!" Various Note: The following excerpt contains bits from various films, songs, games etc. Have fun identifying all the quotes! Razoul's eyes burned with passion. "I want to say something important to you now as we face our darkest hour. I'm proud of you, and it's one of the greatest honours of my life to stand here before you. Today I've discarded the sacred Ebony Helmet, the symbol of our power. I've done so because I want to address you not as your captain but as a fellow warrior who will stand and fight by your side 'til the bitter end!" "We, the Black Guard, exist for only one purpose: to protect our homeland and our proud tribes. No matter what's in our way, we won't stop. No matter what comes through the gate, we'll kick its ass back to the fiery pits it came from. Know this, brave warriors of Vanna: we're not alone in this fight! The spirits of our dead shall stand with us and guide our blades into the hearts of our enemies. Today every generation of the Sarquil will rise up to defend our homeland, and our joined blades shall pierce the heavens!" "Descendants of Tronin! Remember this day as it shall be the day when you shed your blood for the sake of many. Today is the Day of Wrath that our prophecies have warned us about. The forces of darkness are waiting to destroy this ancient city, and they do this for their despicable master, Dreadlord Leraje of the Northern Horde. So what do we, the Black Guard, do for our master, His Majesty Khalid al-Saif?" "We defend! We stand! We show that as one! United! We destroy!" the berserkers chanted. They clanged their scimitars together and yelled out their anger as Drakeroot began to affect their bodies and minds. Razoul nodded. "Indeed! I'll be honest with you: not all of us will survive the coming onslaught. In fact, most of us will fall before this battle is over. That much is certain. However, to die today on this field of battle is to die a death worthy of our ancestors. But we don't do this only to please the dead, no! We do it also for the sake of those who still live! To die today is to die for our little ones, our old ones and our loved ones. Would you deny yourselves such a magnificent death worthy of legend, such an honour as a warrior, the culmination of everything you've fought for all these years? Tell me, brave warriors of Vanna, do you wish to be seen as cowards?" "No!" the berserkers roared. "We're not afraid to open our mouths and scream! We believe in a better tomorrow! We believe in what we say! In arms against the shadows, destroying the dark! FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT 'til the break of dawn!" "Yes, brave warriors of Vanna, do not go gently into that good night. Rage, rage against the dying of the light! Today our enemies have come to crush us, but instead we'll crush them! No longer will we wait behind barred doors and walls of stone. No longer will our vengeance be denied. Today even the gods themselves shall tremble before our wrath!" "Our enemies may threaten us with their words and weapons, but they can take nothing from us that we're not willing to give, and we're not willing to give our lives to them without a fight. My father Ismail told us that the only thing we have to fear is fear itself. However, today we won't stop there, no! Instead we'll kick fear's ass so hard that it'll limp away and never come back to haunt us! Let our enemies behind that gate be warned: we'll stand our ground! Hear me, brave warriors of Vanna! Give our enemies nothing, but take from them... everything!" The western gate opened, and an army of bloodthirsty demons and their savage allies poured into the city like an unstoppable tide. Their thundering roars shook the very foundations of the earth. "Remember the oath that you swore the day you became defenders of our homeland! Do the impossible, break the unbreakable, and never surrender! That's the way of the Black Guard! Arise! Arise, descendants of Tronin! Spears shall be shaken, shields shall be splintered! A sore day, a red day, ere the sun rises! Follow me as my equals towards ruin and the world's ending!" Razoul cried and began running towards the gate, pointing his twin scimitars at the attacking demons. "Death! Death! Death! Go forth, fierce warriors of Vanna! Protect your loved ones with your lives and swing your swords until you drown in the blood of your enemies! Fight the power!" "RAW! RAW! FIGHT THE POWER!" the berserkers of the Black Guard chanted and followed their captain into the heat of battle while yelling defiantly at the enemies ahead: "JUST WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK WE ARE?!" "Come on, guys, do you want to live forever? Razoul and his warriors need all the help they can get!" Marcus smiled to his companions and rushed into battle. His sword Dusk was already glowing brightly. "Today is a day worth remembering, a bunch of heroes fighting against the odds! We few, we happy few..." "We band of buggered," Khasra muttered and followed Marcus's lead. Category:Content Category:First Age Category:Memes Category:Second Age Category:Third Age